Get some dry soybeans, and soak them for 24 hours.

 Leave them in your crockpot until they are soft.  Make sure there is PLENTY of water in there.

 Drain beans.

 Chop one medium white onion and put in the crockpot. 

 Chop 7 cloves of garlic and put in the crockpot.

 Put the beans back in the crockpot. 

 Chop one half of a veggy hot dog and add it to the crockpot. 

 Add: some soysauce, 1 can tomato paste, some liquid hickory smoke, molasses!, curry powder, basil,
       oregano, mustard powder, chili powder, tabasco sauce, maple syrup, chopped dates, nutritional yeast,
       vinegar, and water.

 Let it cook for at least 4 hours.